Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
