Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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