its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
