he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize