Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
