Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
