I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
