if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
