Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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