Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
