How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
