Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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