I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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