What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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