I cannot find my penis.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
