all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
