It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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