saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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