You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
