All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
