Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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