So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
