I wish life had little blips of pornography
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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