He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
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