whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just saw a hot homeless man
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
