Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
