you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
