please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
