What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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