went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
