Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
