I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize