Porn is love you can see.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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