just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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