you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
