I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
