Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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(408): View more from California

I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.

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(631): View more from New York

If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org

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(415): View more from California

I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.

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(847): View more from Illinois

yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up

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