You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
