So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
