If i come over, it means nothing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
