I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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