HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
