how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
