Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
