You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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