when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
