I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize