Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize