Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
