If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize