I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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