yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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