I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
