Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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