So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
