so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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