So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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