I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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