Plan B is the new Plan A
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
