I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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