I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
