Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
