Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
