Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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